My Job Was My Identity: Now I’m Stepping Into Authentic Leadership
Losing Myself In My Job
I’ve been feeling so imbalanced lately. Like I’m trying to push forward but something feels off. I’ve been running into more friction with my teams, unable to move progress along or remove barriers to execution as easily. I’m getting so much pushback, everyone wanting me to take responsibility for their work. It’s making me crazy! Why do things feel so out of control and misaligned? Naturally, I turned to my tarot deck and asked my spirit team what the actual fuck is going on?!
Here’s what I learned:
My colleagues see me as a highly capable, principled leader who brings clarity and action—but also as someone who stands apart, challenges the status quo, and carries visible intensity. That mix makes me both respected and resisted at the same time.
Spirit wants me to know that my role in corporate is a valuable lesson for my next chapter in life—and this is where it gets interesting. In this role, I’m learning to slow down by choosing clarity over detail (I tend to overexplain), to let go of overpreparing, and to embody freedom from constantly proving myself.
WOW. Huge revelation. It got me thinking about where these patterns started in the first place. Let’s take a look.
When Leadership Felt Like a Performance
For context, I am a PMO (program management office lead) supporting two functions for an SAP implementation. In simple terms, my company is upgrading its ordering and reporting system, and I have to make sure those functions complete the work on time. Ever since I joined three years ago this month, I’ve felt resistance to change.
I was brought on to implement new technologies, but when security shut everything down, it became impossible to move anything forward. I tried my hardest, was stressed out of my mind, and even manic at one point. This was pre-anxiety medication, so I felt all over the place. I was working hard on setting boundaries and practicing them in this role. I’m sure it came across as emotionally unstable at times, but my manager always reassured me that we needed someone like me to shake things up. Even though he and I fought quite a bit, I still respect him today for supporting my leadership style.
I’ve also learned by now that you don’t just get promoted in a large company. It’s nearly impossible. They want you to kiss ass, bow down to the hierarchy, and play by the “rules”—or drink the Kool-Aid, as some would describe it. Honestly, it’s the same game I saw in the military: advancement depends on how well you’re liked, not how you perform.
So I learned that busting my ass wouldn’t make a difference in this environment. I pissed off a lot of people, and if I wanted a promotion, I’d have to move to another team. Which I did—and I got one.
Now, a year later, things just keep getting worse. I’ve set strong boundaries. Recently, a colleague tried to strong-arm me by emphasizing that she’d been with the company for 13 years. I told her point blank that I don’t give a fuck—that doesn’t excuse bad behavior. I’ve had my team blame me for not knowing what they were hired to do, and I really don’t feel supported by my manager.
With all this frustration, I’ve realized: I do not belong here. I’ve known this for a while, but it’s getting harder to ignore. So… what do I do now?
Healing After Heartbreak: Releasing My Old Identity
My old identity was tied to my childhood. I learned that if I wanted acknowledgment, I had to earn it. If I wanted a hug or praise at home, I had to perform in school, sports, or other activities just to be seen. I carried that pattern into adulthood—going the extra mile, staying late, being agreeable, not setting boundaries when treated unfairly.
But here’s the thing: I will no longer tolerate this identity.
Identity is not what you do, it’s who you are. Your work ethic, social status, or financial standing do not define you. I am not my work. I am not my social or financial standing. I am a human being on this planet to fulfill my purpose.
Corporate feels like a jail sentence. My old identity told me I had to stay for the “security” it provided. What a joke! They could fire me at any time. It’s time to take those fake chains off and listen to the higher calling within me. I’m shedding the old patterns and identities I thought I had to carry and stepping into authentic leadership.
Redefining Leadership on My Own Terms
I used to get insecure about pissing people off at work. I could feel the tension and lack of collaboration. But I’ve come to realize some key things:
I may be seen as rigid or too firm. In environments where things constantly shift, anyone introducing accountability and consistency can be labeled “rigid.” What I see as clarity and stability, others (who thrive in politics and ambiguity) call “too strict.” In corporate culture, a boundary looks like resistance. Integrity over optics will always look “difficult” to those who want to maintain appearances.
They say I’m too detailed or in the weeds. But detail is my strength. I catch cracks before they become chasms. My eye for detail keeps teams on track.
My manager thinks I’m too slow. He wants speed over sustainability. But I build sustainable progress. That’s a strength I carry into my own business, teaching women how to grow steadily, in the long term.
I challenge and push back. This is often read as conflict or resistance. In truth, I embody courageous truth-telling, modeling how to speak up, set boundaries, and claim power.
I don’t fit in with the inner circle. I stand out as a lighthouse, attracting aligned people rather than conforming to what drains me.
Male colleagues especially see me as emotional or sensitive. They misinterpret that as weakness. In reality, my empathy and intuition are strengths—what allow me to create soul-led offerings that resonate.
I may be seen as intense or stressed. But intensity is passion. Depth is power. My intensity shows others they can transform their hardest struggles into empowerment.
So no, I’m not rigid—I’m structured, accountable, and intentional. The label of “inflexible” is simply a projection of others’ discomfort with being held to standards, clarity, and truth.
Authenticity Is the Easier Path
Corporate culture takes my gifts and labels them as gaps because they don’t fit its system. But those same qualities are exactly what make me magnetic, trustworthy, and impactful in my own business.
What feels like friction here is proof of what I’m meant to build elsewhere.
If you’ve ever felt yourself getting lost in a job, a role, or an identity that doesn’t feel like you anymore—know that you’re not alone. The push and pull, the friction, the questioning—it’s all part of your soul asking you to remember who you are beneath the titles, the expectations, and the pressure to perform.
Your spirit is bigger than any job description. Your worth is not defined by how well you play the corporate game, how many boxes you check, or how many people approve of you. Your worth is in your being—your presence, your truth, your light.
I want to leave you with a few journal prompts to help you reflect and reconnect with yourself:
✨ Journal Prompts
Where in my life am I performing for approval rather than living in my truth?
What parts of my identity feel outdated or no longer serve me?
If I removed the need to “prove myself,” what would freedom look like for me?
How can I honor my gifts—even if they’re misunderstood—in the environment I’m in right now?
What does authentic leadership look and feel like in my own words?
Take your time with these questions. They aren’t about finding the “right” answer but about uncovering the deeper truth that’s already within you.
And if you’d like a gentle monthly reminder to stay connected to your soul’s guidance, I invite you to join my Letters from the Universe. Each month, you’ll receive an intuitive message designed to bring you back to yourself—like a compass pointing you toward your highest good.
You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Spirit is always speaking—you just have to listen.
Next Steps
Subscribe to Letters from the Universe
Get a monthly reminder from Spirit straight to your inbox—a compass guiding you back to your truth and highest good. This is the best way to stay connected and aligned.Journal with Me
Use the prompts at the end of this blog to reflect on your own journey. This is where real transformation begins—inside you.Explore the Blog
Continue reading more stories and insights on healing, leadership, and authentic living.Join Our Community
Connect with like-minded women who are choosing courage, clarity, and self-trust. Share your experiences and grow together.Work with Me
When you’re ready to go deeper, explore my readings, workbooks, and coaching offers designed to help you break old patterns and lead your life with confidence.